Roses, Roses, Roses! What is it about roses that people think a perfectly dull and boring white chunk of pottery will turn into a stunning vase by daubing a few smudged roses on the side? They’ve not even well executed, it looks like someone wearing an excess of lipstick has kissed it to make the roses, with green paint on their fingers leaving each leaf where they held the vase.

The roses in this case aren’t even that attractive in themselves, but regardless it’s just a pot for holding flowers. The whole point of a vase is that it’s designed to show off the most beautiful natural reproductive organs of plants (which when you come to think of it isn’t the most attractive proposition in the world anyway, but hey! In general we kinda like flowers!)

So the pot that is meant to show off the blooms should be understated to enhance the natural beauty so why on earth would you then go cover it with smudgy grungy dabs of paint?

This vase is a perfectly functional utilitarian object trying to shout “Look at me, I’m attractive!” Trouble is, it’s just another ugly vase.

Come on, what were they thinking, this vase is like an upside down traffic cone spray painted blue with a few random sun symbols sprinkled around.

It reminds me somehow of the seaside, except it’s the wrong blue and the suns aren’t yellow. With it’s rolled over top it looks like a drain pipe that’s gone wrong on it’s way out of the factory. Somehow it’s been squashed into a square form and desperate to make something useful out of it they’ve gone right ahead regardless of any taste or style.

About the only room in the house that you could hide such a grotesque item would be the bathroom. Using it as a toilet brush holder is about the only genuinely kind thing you could do to this ugly vase!

This vase is eight inches of pottery and an inch of wickerwork and while it’s an interesting combination it’s bizaare!

Just why would you want a wicker neck to a vase? You can’t possibly pour water away when it’s time to empty it without the wickerwork getting sodden with water and leaf debris. You know what it’s like when you’ve had flowers in a vase for a few days or so, the water without fail ends up fully of green slime which is going to be caught in the wicker.

The leaves are an interesting addition, made from pottery they’re loosely attached by yet more reeds and tied into the wicker neck.

It’s a totally impractical vase, but it’s travelled a long way having been made by Unique Ceramics of Ghana owned by a certain Happy Kufe. He certainly has interesting ideas, albeit not the most practical.

Someone must have lost their mind when they created this vase! I mean if you’re going to create a vase in the shape of a boot (and you’ve gotta be mad, as who want’s their flowers in a boot in the first place), then why choose an old smelly worn out tramps boot?

It’s not even complete, I mean the toe cover is missing, but they’ve taken care to make it authentic even to the extent of adding a real lace so if you’re the particular sort you can tie it in a double bow to make sure it doesn’t come undone!

It’s not that big, standing about eight inches high, and you won’t fit many flowers in it. Quite honestly it’s something that rather than give house space you’d just want to give it the order of the boot and kick it out!

I’m not really sure what the point of this lump of stoneware is, whether it was intended for use as a vase or something quite different I don’t know.

Regardless it’s a strange one, it’s close to being an attractive form, but it’s all lumpy bumpy and misshapen. Even the bulbous base is ridged although it’s the neck that’s the worst.

The glaze is drippy, but smooth, although it has some pin holes where the coverage isn’t even. That kind of fits with the style of the vase however, each pinhole is encircled with a ring of pale cream that makes the vase look like it’s spotted with water lime.

Sadly it’s damaged, it has a crack in the neck which spirals downwards as a hair line fracture running around the vase three times until it peters out on the base. I’m not certain it’s been damaged post-purchase however, it could quite well have come out of the factory in this state.

Standing at just over a foot tall this is such a classic vase shaped vase it would be hard to go wrong. Of course it wouldn’t be featured on this website if that wasn’t exactly what had happened!

Firstly the colours, it’s flowers, but far to bright and garish, pink roses, yellow flowers that just look like thistles to me, but are probably supposed to be rose buds, and the most unlikely green leaves and stems I’ve ever seen on a vase.

Even the flowers could be excused though in light of the rest of the vase, it’s covered in swirling lines of blue and white dots. Not only are the dots totally pointless but each one is actually a raised bump of glaze! hundreds, in fact thousands of them cover every tiny blank space on the vase. Having decided to go mad and put dots all over the vase they couldn’t even be bothered to do the job properly and they’re so haphazardly applied that many of them overlap the glazed flowers.

This is a strange one. It’s obviously very old as the glazing is crazed all over, but it has no makers marks on the base or anywhere else that I can discern.

Sadly it has the a couple of blemishes, it has the smallest of chips but on the base, so it’s hardly noticeable. In fact I didn’t even see it until I came to take the photograph of it this morning. Then higher up near the top it has a chunk of glaze missing too.

The question is why would anyone make a vase that looks like the trunk of a tree, and having made it why would they paint it in green and white to look like a log covered in moss and why white?

Parhaps it is supposed to look like frost on a cold winters morning, or was brown glaze just too difficult to apply? I suppose in all honesty if it had had a brown base coat it would have made for a very dark vase which would have just looked worse than it does anyway.

A vase should be designed to display flowers and show them off to their best effect. It’s like a great waiter at a restaurant, you’re aware of them moving silently around the table, food arriving, empty plates disappearing, your glass being refilled, but they’re not the main event. Sure you’re grateful for their presence but you didn’t come to see the waiter and a vase should be the same almost invisible accompaniment to your flowers.

So just why with this vase did they decide to make it into a flower instead of to display flowers? It wouldn’t be so bad if it was tall enough to display the orchids that it resembles, but at just eight inches it’s far too short for them.

It’s superbly made with swirling tendrils of leaves wrapped around the stem, and even a touch of yellow inside the bud just as if the pollon was there waiting for a bee.

It just shouldn’t be like this though, a vase should be understated and discreet, not shouting look at me!

What do you get if you take a bottle, stick a candle in the top and leave it for a few hours to burn? Yes, that’s right, a bottle covered in candle wax. Of course to totally cover the bottle you’d probably need to burn quite a few candles but don’t worry, here’s the solution:

Buy a vase which is covered in a fake candle wax glaze! This vase is just awful, and at eight inches tall it’s not something that can just be hidden away in a corner. It’s certainly not something you’d want out on display, at least not in a well lit room.

I’ve never seen something quite this grotesque before, other than real candle wax, but this is worse. It’s a horrible green tinged white colour, the colour that you only see at the seaside when the waves lapping a beach are full of foam. Then underneath the wax glaze the vase is black, almost as if it had been burnt.

It must have been great fun to make this vase, but I’m not sure if anyone would have a strong enough stomach to give it room in their house.

I laughed when I first saw this jug, I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t believe that anyone could make something quite so bad.

I’m really not sure if it’s supposed to be a vase, or if it really is intended for decanting your wine into. I just can’t picture it at a graceful dinner party with the waiters quietly topping up the glasses using this jug!

The funniest part is the effort that’s gone into making the vase, each grape is raised, then it’s overlaid with the handle as the vine with leaves attached with spider like branches. Of course the shape is pretty useless too, with the spout so far to the side any liquid would almost be spilt before the jug was filled. In reality you couldn’t fill the jug more than about half way unless you then stood holding it to keep the spout level.

So useless, not particularly life like colours, grotesque and impractical! I can’t find a makers mark on this piece, but then if you’d made it you probably wouldn’t want anyone to know it was you either!